jeff.hume.ca

April 19, 2005

Pope 'Eggs' Benedict XVI

With the election of the new Pope today, Cardinal Ratzinger chose the new name Benedict XVI, or as I like to call him Pope 'Eggs' Benedict XVI. While many in the media may talk about the choice of the name Benedict as paying homage to past popes of that name and signaling a direction for his papacy, I think he just likes a good breakfast.

Pope Eggs Benedict raises the roof

Thanks to my good friend Posté for this exclusive picture of Pope 'Eggs' Benedict XVI greeting the assembled crowds in St. Peter's Square through the traditional ceremony commonly known as "raise the roof."

January 5, 2005

Inauguration and Tsunamis

Wonkette: "If We Cancel Inauguration, the Tsunamis Have Won."

November 26, 2004

More Hopkin

While my past attempt at a Hopkin Green Frog sighting has not been put up on the official site yet, I felt the inspiration again today to make another lame one.

P.S. I'll Find My Frog

I'm sure Arnold will find Hopkin. Arnold is invincible.

November 9, 2004

The cart

Monty Python and Politics - a perfect match:

Ariel Sharon: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang]

Nabil Shaath: Here's one.

Ariel Sharon: Ninepence.

Yasser Arafat: I'm not dead!

November 7, 2004

Hopkin Green Frog

Thanks to Guinevere for linking me to the search for Hopkin Green Frog.

Here's my take on the whole situation. It seems that lots of people are searching for Hopkin.

Hopkin Bush

I've sent this in to the site. Hopefully they add it.

November 5, 2004

Sign Of The Apocalypse

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse we get news that due to over-fishing and climate change giant squids are "taking over the world."

I really don't know what category to put this in. I'll go with Humor.

July 19, 2004

Rock, Paper, Saddam

Via Codepoetry comes the hilarious Rock, Paper, Saddam

June 1, 2004

Conversations

Neil Gaiman, the author of such great books as Neverwhere (My Review) and American Gods, has an excellent weblog in which he answers readers questions and writes many other things. I don't know how he has the time to write so much on a daily basis while doing all the things he describes in those entries.

Today, he wrote a highly amusing anecdote about a conversation he had with his daughter.

April 25, 2004

Reality

Kottke.org: "So, I'm writing a script for a reality show."

April 22, 2004

Trendy Car

In response to the likely prank comment by "john" on this past entry, I must say that I don't really know what was meant by "trendy small-penis car", but perhaps this fits the bill:

trendy car

Oh wait, that's your car. Nice one there, "john".

April 16, 2004

Hidden Emotions

I don't know what it is about Hugo Weaving, but when you take his acting roles and facial expressions out of context (Agent Smith and Elrond), funny things happen. There is, of course, this image which I have posted before:

Elrond

And now I will present you with the following:

Elrond

I have no sources for these hilarious images.

February 25, 2004

The Sun

Brian D. Foy writes an open letter to the Sun:

It does not need to be this way. If you could go all the way with Life giving Light, you could retake your position of vital leadership. You are the only thing that has the fuel and the proximity to do better than other energy sources. Indeed, on historical grounds, you can do even better because you will probably be around a lot longer, and all that coal that we burn originally came from plants which used you. However, you radiate energy to other planets, even though they are lifeless, and probably immoral and godless at that. The rest of your energy just dissipates to nothing according to an inverse square law.

Freakin' awesome.

February 1, 2004

Timeless Question

This famous question has been asked countless times, and has sent many men to their doom, but the answer has, for the most part, remained hidden. This question is, of course:

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Finally, the answer has been revealed, and there will be much rejoicing.

January 26, 2004

The Council Of Elrond

This is quite honestly the funniest image I have seen in a while. I wish I could provide a source, but I don't know where it originated.

January 14, 2004

New Mars Picture!

It seems that Brent Simmons has uncovered a new image from the NASA Spirit rover, which is of great concern for us earthlings. It's bound to make some people very angry, very angry indeed.

May 27, 2003

Studies

News Is Crappy: " Study: People are more likely to care about studies when they aren't completly obvious."

May 7, 2003

This Crazy World

A friend of mine emailed me this:

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'."

April 5, 2003

George Bush and the Search for the Holy Sand.

Tonight I present to you a rambling political parody that isn't really any good - George Bush and the Search for the Holy Sand! This is a parody of the Knights of Ni in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you don't know this movie and read this you'll think I'm crazy.

* * *

Heard in the background - Terrorism! Terror! Terrorist!

Saddam: Who are you?

Bush: We are the Americans who say..... Terrorist!

Background Americans: Terrorist!

Saddam: No! Not the Americans who say Terrorist!

Bush: The same.....!

Saddam's body double: Who are they?

Bush: We are the keepers of the secret words - Terrorist, Misunderestimate and "make no mistake".

Saddam: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

Bush: The Americans who say Terrorist! demand..... a sacrifice!

Saddam: Americans of Terrorism, we are but simple Iraqis who seek the oil beneath this sand.

Bush and his cohorts: Terrorist, Terrorist!

Iraqi Regime: Ow! Ow! Ow!

Bush: We will say Terrorist to you again.... if you do not appease us!

Saddam: Well, what is it that you want?

Bush: We want!..................... your weapons of mass destruction!!!!

TENSE MUSIC!

Saddam: Our wot?

Bush and Blair: Terrorist! Terrorist!

Saddam: Please, please, no more. We will destroy our weapons of mass destruction!

Bush: No! You must return here with your mass destructors, or you will never pass into hiding with Osama...... ALLLLLIIIIIIIVE!

Saddam: Oh Americans of Terrorism! You are just and fair and we will return with our weapons.

Bush: Some that look nice.

Saddam: Of course.

Bush: And not too expensive!

Saddam: Yes, we bought them from you!

Bush: NOOOOOOOOWWWWWW GO!


* * *

Saddam talks with the Iraqi with big glasses and decides to slowly destory the weapons, just to make the Americans mad.

* * *

Saddam: Oh Americans of Terrorism, we have brought you some weapons! May we go now?

Bush: They are good weapons, I like the Anthrax particularily. But make no mistake, there is one small problem.

Saddam: What is that?

Bush: We are no-longer..... the Americans who say Terorism! (Terror! Shhh). We are now the Americans who say screw-you-france-and-the-UN-we-will-bomb-iraq-to-hell-anyway

Protesting Americans: Terrorism! No War! Osama!

Bush: Therefore we must misunderestimate you and give you a test!

Saddam: What is this test oh Americans who... till recently said Terrorism?

Bush: Firstly, you must find...... more weapons!!!!!

TENSE MUSIC

Saddam: Not more weapons!!

Bush: Then, when you have found the weapons, you must place them here beside these weapons only a little more dangerous so our people understand why were here (why are we here? why are we here?). Then when you have found the weapons we must cut down your regime, have a regime change, and make..... aaaaa.... DEMOCRACY!!!!

March 25, 2003

Everyone

This is one of the most (if not the most) brilliant Onion article of all time.

Although it is refering to September 11th and is shrouded in humor, I think the message is timeless and true. Everyone in the world should understand this.

Point-Counterpoint

The Onion presents, Point-Counterpoint:

Point: This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism

Counterpoint: No It Won't

February 20, 2003

404 Iraq

404 of Mass Destruction

Heh

February 14, 2003

Crazy Apple Rumors

Crazy Apple Rumors: "Apple Really Trying Hard To Give A Damn About Opera."

Heh.

February 13, 2003

Clippy

Clippy: "It looks like you're suing Microsoft".

Courtesy of Mark Pilgrim.

February 5, 2003

Stupid People

Just when I thought people couldn't get any more stupid I read this

Somebody tell this woman to deal with her own problems.

Maybe I shouldn't put this in the humor category, it is really more sad than funny.

February 3, 2003

Does CNN Have Fact Checkers?

Engrish

This is priceless. They are English captions on a bootleg DVD of The Two Towers in Asia somewhere.

I feel sorry for people who watch that bootleg.

January 29, 2003

Bomb Iraq

Here's a great find! To be sung to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It".

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.